Dear God

'I know the darkness wants to destroy my will by turning my will into the complacency of a helpless victim.
Let your light of love be a renewing and restoring force within my life.
Turn my will into a will seeking your power of victory over the darkness.
May every battle I wage in and with the darkness be a time of victory.
Never let my will live in the shadows of the darkness.
May every choice I make be made to discipline myself in spite of the darkness wanting to erode my self-control and self-discipline.
In your name, I proclaim victory over every darkness seeking to destroy me.'

I am free

Dear God,

Can I thank you enough?! It's like your surprise present to me, and not just any present, it's a present that shows you love me. It's exactly what I needed, and even I couldn't pinpoint that!

Could it have gone in a more smooth way? Even though the timing seemed wrong, it was just right. I love you God, I love you so much and you're there to walk me through my troubles even when I forget you. At the peak of things, I could feel you right there, right next to me, in your full supportive presence. How can I express how much I love you?!

I am happy.

And most importantly, I am free.

...
..
.

Prayer is magic

Prayer

"But I believe that the desire to please
you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all
that I am doing.
And I know that if I do this, you
will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death, I will
not fear, for you are ever with me
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone."


This isn't of my own words

But it describes exactly how I feel, or rather, how I used to feel. Now it's just a theory to me, that could or could not be true..

My own prayer will go like this..

Dear God,

I am clueless
So absolutely clueless it makes me depressed
Help me remember who you are
for it's the only fact that wakes me up
remind me that the desire to please you, really does please you
for everyone around me seems to think otherwise
and although I claim I'm strong, I end up going with the herd
and I admit
this time I resort to you, because I have no one else to go to, and because of that alone

I cannot forgive my constant estrangement to the world
I cannot forgive you for letting it be, like you forgive my presumptuousness
But I'm trying
I admit I'm not strong enough for it, so help me
I pray expecting you to do all the work, now this time I'm sincerely intending to change with my own hands


I love you God,
Me

~

Dear God,

Why is everyday the same?

I'm so afraid that by the time I get to do things my way, I will have lost the ability to enjoy them

I'm so happy and grateful you're with me through this

I just don't see it ending anytime soon, or rather, anytime proper

I love you so much

and even though this sucks, It's bringing us closer together, and for that I'm grateful

Love,
Me

~

Dear Insomnia,

*)(_(^&$%#$@$%@#$%^*&^(*)_*$^&^&%$#@@$#%$#$&

Love,
Me




Dear God,

?

again, love,
Me

...

I've been praying intensely for a lot of things these past days, I was very frustrated. And then I came across this song,


You are not alone
I am here with you
Even when you're scared
I'll never leave you
Standing in a storm

Making it insane
Once again, I would try
To enchain you
But you open your eyes to the sky
and whisper

That you are so lonenly
You are so alone
You're so alone
You're so lonely, so lonely

So I'm colouring my face
While I am here with you
Imagining the landscape of your sorrow
Is it yellow or blue?

Colouring the sky, and the trees
and the clouds, and the moonlight
I'd coloured your heart
If you didn't I did

And I wish you could just find home



Sometimes, it feels too good to be true that there's a God who cares about me so much. I pray for signs and they come, and they amaze me so much that I can't believe them.

Letter

Dear God,

Thanks for giving me flaws that (when let out by me) only hurt me or really close people who eventually forgive me. Please make me stop hurting myself. I've been so bad with you I'm sorry, but it gets boring when you get so silent.

Love,
me

Dear God,

I want to worship you, no hypocrisy included.

Love,
me

I thought I shouldn't write about this, because saying things out loud makes them more real. But this is getting stupid and there's no one I can talk with about it.

I'm losing faith in most things, God is so invisible and distant. He's not answering my prayers, he's not talking to me. Usually when I get doubts, I really pray, from the bottom of my heart, and there's usually a sign, or what I think is a sign. This time when I prayed, it was please God, I need a sign, and I don't want to feel like I'm convincing myself with things that don't exist, I want a sign that's loud and clear, I'm not going to ask for a miracle, but my skeptic mind needs to be put to sleep for a while, I couldn't sleep that night and something felt awfully wrong.

Untill today I got no answer, maybe I haven't been awake enough, but still, God is capable of making me see things if he wants to. I'm sitting here trying to keep faith with absolutely no facts to support it. I feel stupid and lonely confused.

So for now my only prayer will go like that:


"Dear God, If you exist (and I'm sorry to say that), show me, SHOW ME, and show me how, I don't want any mixed messages, riddles or things open to interpretation, I want the truth, the pure and simple one. And if you don't exist, It was a pleasure knowing the one I thought you are. I'll probably spend the rest of my time sad and alone without you, but at least it will be the truth."

Dear God,

Life doesn't get any better.

Love,
Me

IGNORANCE

Today I'm feeling ignorant. Just that. Although I know and admit I'm human, I make mistakes and I can't possibly know everything, I feel so stupid and.. well.. ignorant.

I so hate the fact that I can't trust my feelings, but let's not get to that now, that's a whole way more complicated story.

I feel like I've made so many decisions or statements based on things I thought or told myself I knew, but did I, like really?!

People twist words, and I'm just stupid and ignorant enough to believe everything that seems to make sense on the surface, I don't know how to investigate. And like.. no memory span.

HELP FROM ABOVE PLEASE

Why do you always seem so distant when he's around? Is it because he's so big and reckless and against most things you're trying to teach me??

I tried handling that today. I did to a little extent. But this is really an indication to a flaw in my relationship with you, or to the fact that there's a side of it I haven't taken care of. I so believe in you in all my moments, I feel you around, telling me what to do. But for some reason I'm oblivious to, you just seem like a myth or a theory when he's around. I'm so afraid this is a sign I secretly or subconciously idolize him. It seems so wrong imagining you're around when he's there.

You really are my best friend, I'm always listening. I just need you to help me out with this. I want you to make me feel you're always there and supportive, even when everyone around me doesn't care about you.

Love,
Me