In Estrangement

.

couldn't think of anything proper to write so will resort to random statements for the 3478753th time

Being around kids too much has refreshed my perception of honesty

That's a reason why I don't want to leave

The fact that I have a job makes my parents respect me a whole lot more

I can't lose that after having it

and having enough money to buy stuff I've wanted for a long time

and having my life too busy and crowded to have time to do stupid impulsive things

But I'm not good enough for it

I have an urge to tell them they're throwing their money away by hiring me

This isn't me doubting myself, It's just me admitting I'm not skilled and patient enough for that kind of work

I'm not even a committed person

I'm treating this like an impulse of mine, do it, suck the life out of it and leave it behind

I hate this, they have expectations of me, I feel like I'm failing them

I don't love the job

I don't have any motivation to wake up in the morning

I have to spend a whole lot of time starting the persuading myself why I have to get up process

and often fail eventually

I do not feel like I'm doing something with my life.

end.