I thought I shouldn't write about this, because saying things out loud makes them more real. But this is getting stupid and there's no one I can talk with about it.
I'm losing faith in most things, God is so invisible and distant. He's not answering my prayers, he's not talking to me. Usually when I get doubts, I really pray, from the bottom of my heart, and there's usually a sign, or what I think is a sign. This time when I prayed, it was please God, I need a sign, and I don't want to feel like I'm convincing myself with things that don't exist, I want a sign that's loud and clear, I'm not going to ask for a miracle, but my skeptic mind needs to be put to sleep for a while, I couldn't sleep that night and something felt awfully wrong.
Untill today I got no answer, maybe I haven't been awake enough, but still, God is capable of making me see things if he wants to. I'm sitting here trying to keep faith with absolutely no facts to support it. I feel stupid and lonely confused.
So for now my only prayer will go like that:
"Dear God, If you exist (and I'm sorry to say that), show me, SHOW ME, and show me how, I don't want any mixed messages, riddles or things open to interpretation, I want the truth, the pure and simple one. And if you don't exist, It was a pleasure knowing the one I thought you are. I'll probably spend the rest of my time sad and alone without you, but at least it will be the truth."
3 comments:
I think that this little prayer contains enough persistence, understanding and faith to move an entire nation!
A very humble question I'd like to ask you, if you don't mind: Do you think humans should spend their lives sad and alone? Regardless whether God is there or who he is, is it possible that this existence would be normal?
I don't know what "normal" is. It's not fair, that I know, but whether or not it's normal is quite relative.
It's a reality, It's happening. Few or even less than few people I know are genuinely happy.
Of course I don't think humans should live sad and alone, but it seems inevitable.
That's the point, if it were inevitable, we'd have gotten used to it by now... We'd have coped, evolved, adapted, or whatever it is they say creatures do to survive!
But we're still here, and we haven't changed, and we still stubbornly demand to be happy!
Some people said, that this very conflict suggests hope. Maybe we ARE meant to be happy and complete, no matter what we went through, maybe in the end, we will be happy and complete.
I agree with those people, and I hope you wouldn't lose hope for your own happiness.
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